Breaking Wind
Bad manners just got worse. Breaking news shows that the average person lets rip two to three shot glasses of carbon dioxide every 24 hours! However, if you’re a vegetarian you’re looking at a pint glass. Concerned? Scientists, stifling giggles, advise a diet low in baked beans, corn-on-the-cob, green peppers, cabbage, milk and raisins.

Forget the Space Holiday
Conscience clear for take-off? Intergalactic spring holidays sound like a blast – but the climate impact of space tourism is giving rocket scientists tropopause for thought. A single NASA shuttle’s climate impact can eclipse that of New York in a week – and a space tourism buggy still produces as much CO₂ as a business class flight from London to New York.

Plus, if star treks really take off, yearly emissions from space tourism could trump the weekly emissions of a 500MW power station. Given the gravity of the situation, the carbon conscious may want to limit their moon-walking to Friday nights. Here’s hoping a new anti-gravity alien-style space travel method will be found soon!

Composting Toilets
Remember when composting toilets were a conversational taboo, pooh-pooed by mainstream society? Getting rid of ‘humanure’ using a waterless toilet may not be just a fringe fad much longer as it reduces the climate impact of waste. How?

By composting it into humus. (Not to be confused for the stuff made out of chickpeas – that’s humous.)

One Less Child
Looking for an excuse to get out of having another child? Controversial research by the Optimum Population Trust suggests that the single most effective thing a person can do for climate change is to not have that extra baby.

More people means more carbon emissions. Simple as that. (In fact, a couple that has two kids instead of three could cut their family’s climate impact by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York.)

Compost Your Corpse
Surprisingly, we continue producing CO₂, beyond the grave. Our corpses are burnt in furnaces up to five times hotter than an average oven, emitting greenhouse gases and carcinogenic air pollution. Our bodies are 80% carbon, producing around 215kg of CO₂ when cremated. Coffins are made from chipboard or tropical hardwood, decomposing slowly alongside a methane-producing corpse as it rots.

A more climate-friendly way to go is to opt for an ‘eco’ style ‘pod’ made from toughened recycled paper and be buried in a woodland or wilderness, with a planted commemorative tree.